Taking the Pys

This page is dedicated to the lighter side of IO Psychology. Please forward any contributions for the stress relief of all!


These quotes were taken from actual performance evaluations:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Report ):

- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
- A room temperature IQ.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
- A prime candidate for natural deselection.
- Bright as Alaska in December.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming
- So dense, light bends around him.
- If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
- Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:

...He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
...This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
...He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.